If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
