Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
