Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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