Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
