You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
