Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
