Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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