Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
