How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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