You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
