we're chasing vodka with high fives
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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