Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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