id be glad to
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
