My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
