I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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