please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
