I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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