literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
