I smell stomach acid.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
