Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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