I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
