The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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