alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
