Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
