i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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