Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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