Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
