Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Randomize
