hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
