dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
