Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
