Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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