Your dad touched me again.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
