There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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