ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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