Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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