I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
