so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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