So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
