Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
