I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
