If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
