Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize