Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
