Moan for me like Helen Keller
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
