What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Duck Duck Cougar?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Green mimosas i think yes
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
