If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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