plz talk dirty to me
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
