This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
