Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
