Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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