Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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