i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
