I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
