I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
