One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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